For most, the sex
act is a release. So when you move in it you are in a hurry. You just
want a release….Overflowing energy creates tensions, excitement.
You feel something has to be done. When the energy is released, you
feel weak. You may take this weakness as relaxation. Because the excitement
is no more, the overflowing energy is no more, you can relax. But this
relaxation is a negative reaction….at a very great cost. And
this relaxation can only be physical. It cannot go deeper and cannot
There are two parts to the sex act—the beginning and the end. Remain
with the beginning. The beginning part is more relaxed, warm…..Forget
the end completely…..Do not seek ejaculation; forget it completely.
Feel the other's body, feel the other's energy flowing towards you and be merged
in it, melt in it. It will come…..A man feels that something has gone
wrong if there is no ejaculation…. Nothing has gone wrong! And do not
feel that you have missed something; you have not missed. In the beginning
it will be felt as if you are missing something, because the excitement and
the peak will not be there. Before the valley comes you will feel that you
are missing something, but this is just an old habit. Within a period, within
a month or three weeks, the valley will start appearing, and when the valley
appears you will forget your peaks. No peak is worth this. But you have to
wait, and do not force it and do not control it. Just relax….It is good,
helpful, if you breath deeply, not fast but slow, breathing very easily—being
at ease. Don't talk….feel what is happening. …Float effortlessly.
Then only will the valley appear, and once the valley appears you are transcended.
Once you feel and realize the valley, the relaxed orgasm, it is already transcendence.
Then sex is not there. It has become a meditation—a samadhi.
Tantra says…use nature itself to transcend. Don't fight; accept nature
in order to transcend it.
Tantra says no strain is needed; be relaxed with the other. In that relaxed
moment the other disappears and your energy can flow up, but it flows up only
when you are in a valley. It flows down when you are at a peak…..If you
are controlling it, sooner or later you will be hurried to finish….You
are not going somewhere. It is just a play; there is no goal. Nothing is to
be reached, so why hurry?... If you are in a hurry, then timelessness cannot
be felt….This unhurriedness is basic to create the valley; otherwise
the peak will be created.
Remain in the moment going nowhere, and melt. Warmth, love, should be made
a situation for two persons to melt into each other. That is why, if there
is no love, the sex act is a hurried act. … You are exploiting each other,
not merging into each other.
If you are not in
a hurry to finish the act, the act, by and by, becomes less and less
sexual and more spiritual. Sex organs also melt into each other. A
deep, silent communion happens between two body energies….It
becomes an ecstasy, a samadhi, cosmic consciousness. And if you can
know this, if you can feel and realize this, your sexual mind will
Tantra will say, understand sex, do not try to channel it….First understand
it, and through understanding the path will be revealed. You are not to force
your energies on that path. Through understanding you come to know the law,
just like in science. …You come to understand a law; a natural mystery
is revealed. Once the natural mystery is revealed, you can use the energy creatively.
Without your knowing the inherent law, all efforts are doomed. So tantra says,
understand the animal, because in the animal is hidden the potential for your
future…..Tantra says that in your body is the whole cosmos in miniature.
Bliss never happens through effort. Effort is always tension-creating; it gives
anguish. Effort is always ugly because you are forcing something. Understanding
is not an effort; it is beautiful, it is a spontaneous happening.
There is no need to use sex only in reproduction. In every creation sex is
used….A great musician is creating music. No father can feel so much
fulfilled as a musician feels when great music is created, and no son can give
so much happiness to any parent as a great piece of music can give to the musician….Because
he is creating on higher realms, nature relieves him of lower creation; the
energy has moved higher. Tantra says, do not fight with the energy, allow the
energy to move higher. And there are many realms of higher movement and many